


Burn(ed bacon)

by teardrops_in_bottles



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt Neil Josten, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm; but not really intentional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26613679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teardrops_in_bottles/pseuds/teardrops_in_bottles
Summary: Neil has a nightmare, Kevin burns some bacon, panic ensues.---surprisingly fun title for a pretty heavy fic
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 12
Kudos: 187





	Burn(ed bacon)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. So this is the first fanfic I ever posted, I do not have a beta reader and English is not my native language. I'd say perfect conditions for mistakes to happen. So please call me out on them, if you notice any. :) 
> 
> This fic had no outline whatsoever, it was just a scene I had in my head and wanted to type out. 
> 
> So without further I do, have fun reading.

With a gasp Neil woke up, eyes wide open and breath out of control. He felt a shout stuck in his throat and reality was still far, as though the fangs of his nightmare were still clinging to him. 

It took counting to hundred in German, but he got used to the dim light in their dorm room. A breeze from the half open window swept over his clammy skin. That was the first thing he was able to focus on. The second was a small nick in the bed frame, where Andrew’s knife got stuck some time ago, when they were practicing throwing for fun. Andrew. Simply thinking the name made his breath a bit steadier, a bit calmer.

Not yet being able to think completely straight he tried to remember, if they went to sleep in the same bed last night. Yes, he could here quiet breaths next to him. Slowly he forced himself to glance away from the spot in the bed frame and to his right. 

Andrew was lying next to him, still asleep. Neil was a bit surprised by that, he felt like the words he shouted in his mind must‘ve somehow been able to be perceived in the real world. Evidently he was relieved they hadn’t and that he hadn’t woken Andrew up with this nonsense. His boyfriend was lying on his side, back pressed against the wall as always. It was nearly dawn so Neil could easily see the way his hair was hanging messily in his face, framing it perfectly. It was nearly long enough now to hang over his eyes. While studying Andrew, he tried matching his breathing to Andrews, which normally worked fine to calm him down after a nightmare, but today it somehow didn’t.

Disgruntled that he still hadn‘t gotten his breathing quite under control and that this also meant that he would probably feel the aftermath of the nightmare throughout the whole morning, Neil decided to go for a run to maybe at least make breathing a little easier. 

Right away, when he slowly sat up, he could feel his lungs fighting to get in enough Oxygen. To steady himself he sat upright on the side of the bed and clung to the sheets. Why couldn’t he just breath? He was aware he only dreamt it. The whole ordeal was now nearly two years ago. Not worth stressing over. He was fine.  
He took his own good time before standing up. 

“You alright there?” He hadn’t even noticed Kevin getting up and the man was now shooting him a weird look. 

“Yeah I’m… I’m fine” Neil got up to finally grab some running shorts and shoes.  
Kevin snorted unamused, but he let him be and went to the kitchen. 

Neil was just about to put on his shoes when a weird smell hit his nose. Something was burning. His breath quickened. What was burning? Who was burning? A painful sensation rushed through the side of his face. He brought his hand to the hot burning spot on his cheek. 

He inhaled sharply, which only lead to him to being able to pin point what that smell was exactly. Burning skin. He was smelling burning skin. Was it his skin that was burning? It must be. Or… Andrew? He whipped around sharply only to be met with calm hazel eyes. He felt the world tilt slightly. Andrew seemed fine, Neil must have woken him up. It must be himself then who was burning. There was the sharp pain in his cheek again but different now. He was clawing his hand into the burning flesh of his cheek. He had to stop his skin from burning somehow. Harsh breaths escaped his mouth. Andrew furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Neil?” That’s when he really began to panic. Andrew sounded worried. Neil’s skin had to be on fire. Neil watched with wide eyes as Andrew came closer, moving slowly and careful like he was nearing a frightened animal. Neil was not quite aware of himself, he couldn’t find Andrews eyes anymore. The pain in his cheek increased slightly. He took a staggering step back, away from Andrew. 

“Neil, hey! Stop it.” Andrews words cut through the haze slightly. Stop what? He was burning, damn it! Andrew must see it, he shouldn’t come any closer. 

“don’t.. c-come.. don’t come closer!” He tried to warn Andrew, between gasps. Andrew took another step forward. What was he doing? You don’t walk towards the fire! Neil backed away some more, when he abruptly met the wall opposite their bed. 

“My face, Drew.. It’s burning! Stay away!”

“Neil, stop it. It’s not burni-”

“,It is. It is! Can’t you see…?” His knees buckled under him. Andrew was there right away, one hand wrapped around his waist, the other one grabbing both of his hands and holding them away from his face. Neil tried to get away, not wanting to hurt Andrew. 

“Neil, Neil listen to me. Listen. Its alright. You are in our dorms. Kevin the idiot let the bacon burn. You are not burning. You are not.” 

Confusion clouded his panicky mind and made him forget why he was struggling. 

“Ok, ok that’s right. Breath. Come on, with me.” 

He settled down a bit against Andrew and tried matching his breath. Very slowly he began calming down enough to keep a somewhat steady rhythm. For the first time in what it felt like an eternity, he was able to get enough oxygen into his lungs. But the pain was still real, he could still feel a burning sensation on his face. Even though it hurt slightly less now. Bit by bit he came back to himself. He shook his head slowly. 

He pressed out “But my… but my cheek -” 

Andrew looked at him deeply worried. “You hurt you cheek yourself, idiot. Look at your hands.”

Neil blinked at Andrew confused as ever. His gaze dropped to his hands, where they were still trapped against Andrews chest. His own fingertips were coloured red with blood, and he could see darker blood drying under his nails. His eyes snapped back up to meet Andrews. Neil frowned, beginning to gradually understand where his panic had lead him astray from reality. 

“Oh I… oh” was all he could stammer. He freed his hand of Andrews grip and lightly touched his cheek. His hand came back wet with a bit of blood. Neil shot Andrew a disturbed look. Andrew watched him with concern in his eyes. 

“Come on, rabbit lets patch you up.” Andrew didn’t even try to let him stand on his own, just scouped him up and carried him to the bathroom.  
Once there Neil caught his reflection in the mirror. The image he saw there made him almost panic all over again. His left cheek where the burn scar sat, was scratched up and bloody. Somehow he managed to avert his gaze and stifle the panic surging up again. 

Andrew put him on the toilet seat and grabbed the first aid kid they had always stashed under the sink. The more his reality moved back into perspective, Neil noticed that his incident had upset Andrew quite a bit as well. Andrews hands were shaking faintly, while disinfecting Neil’s wound. 

“I’m sorry I panicked, Andrew. I don’t know what has gotten into me” he explained weakly. 

“PTSD is what has gotten into you, now shup up. And don’t fucking apologise.” Andrew grab his chin carefully to move his face to the side a bit so he was able to reach his cheek better. Neil closed his eyes, suddenly feeling utterly exhausted. He let the last few moments run through his mind again. Kevin burned the bacon. Kevin doesn’t even like bacon, but that’s probably why he burned it. Somewhere between waking up from his nightmare and getting up, the smell must’ve sent him into a panic attack. Good, now that he knew the trigger, he could avoid it. He was fine. 

He could feel Andrew letting go of his chin and placing a plaster on his face, then smoothing it out. He took Neil’s hands into his again and cleaned them of the dry blood with a small wash cloth, as gently as he knew how to be. Then he cupped Neil’s face in both his hands. Neil opened his eyes again and was met with an apathetic face but hazel eyes that were showing very strong emotions. Neil knew that Andrew was thinking of something to say, the way his jaw was slightly clenched. Andrew was probably trying to find a wording for something Neil didn’t want to hear.

“Andrew I’m f-“

“Don’t you dare.” Andrew cut Neil of pointedly. “I just witnessed you trying to scratch your own cheek off. You are not fine and you’ll be calling Bee right after breakfast.” 

Neil opened his mouth for some sort of retort, but the look on Andrews face made him waver. Andrew had let go of his everyday mask and let some of that emotion shine through. It was still subtle, but Neil was practised in reading Andrews expression. Andrew was showing fear. Fear for him, fear of losing him. Neil lifted his hand to lay over Andrews on his face, while not breaking their eye contact once, not even while bringing Andrews hands to his mouth and kissing them lightly. 

“Ok.” He whispered against their hands. Andrew looked relieved at that, maybe a little bewildered that Neil agreed so easily. That had been a long ongoing discussion between them after all. 

“Ok.” Andrew replied. 

“Can I get a hug, yes or no?” They didn’t typically hug often, but Neil decided he needed the closeness right now, as long as Andrew wanted to give it. The man in question was searching his face for something, but was satisfied with what he saw apparently.

“Yes rabbit, come here.” Andrew engulfed Neil in his arms. That made the last bit of unease Neil still felt from his panic attack disappear. It still, after two years of all of this, amazed him, how much better his world was with Andrew to hold him up in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Is Neils burnscar on his left cheek? I can't remember, was it ever even specified? ... well in this fic it is. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comment/kudos, if you liked it :)


End file.
